"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." - Helen Kellar

“The greatest distance divides us, not because you’re oblivious to my love when I stand in front of you, but because we love each other, knowing fate will forever keep us apart.”

Life has been quite depressing lately. Life is so screwy, or I just make it more screwed up. I don’t know.

I think more than half the time that people say they don’t know, they actually do but feels that it’s just easier to just say you don’t know rather than trying to put it into words.

I’m not sure what’s going on, but I feel like the people that means most to me are drifting away from me. It’s like they are trying to shut me out and stay away from me. It’s most likely because they don’t have time to be bothered with me. It’s probably for their own good … or mine too. But(to be selfish) it hurts, I don’t want them to leave me, to drift away from me. I feel alone…

Then… there are other things that are begin to be so difficult and confusing. I miss the peaceful, blandness of my life. I had time to do my own thing, but now I can’t really get things done.

Soon enough, there would be a drastic change. High school is coming to an end. What will happen then?

I’ve been having the feeling of not being able to trust someone or people not trusting me. There some people that would tell u things to make u feel like they trust you but really, they don’t. Fake trust, it’s harsh, they would turn on u when you’re not looking. It’s hard when you trust them with everything but they actually don’t trust you that much.

There was another thing I wanted to talk about… but I can’t remember…so hah, that’s it.

Something happened on Thursday night, the results was not what I would expect. I just had to say some things that just didn’t have to said and that threw everyone off. I was inconsiderate, stupid and devious. I’d realized it a few days after, but it was kinda late. I was saying things for my own sake and didn’t consider the outcomes. I confused myself in the process and fucked people up. I didn’t know how much I would confuse people and how much it might hurt them. In the end, we were both selfish.

Well, that was my wonderful… weekend. Totally depressed, cried and wanted to OD on chocolate. (I only had some…)

This always happens, just usually not to this extent. I complicate the simplest things and only end up fucking myself over. I’m not good for the mind. Not for you, me or anyone else.

It's Halloween, I really want chocolate  >_< but i can't go out and steal candy from children becasue i have so much homework to do... that i neglected to do...

I haven’t blogged in a long time. I haven’t really done anything productive lately. I need to get my life back on track and stop lazying around like bum. I’ve been out a lot lately and my brother is always hogging the computer so that doesn’t help. He definitely need to get his fucking life back on track… or just on track.

*sigh*

I haven’t blogged in a long time… u would think… since it’s the summer and all... that I would have a lot more time on my hands to do this kinda stuff eh? But cha, who knows wat?

You know how sometime you want to change the why you think of something because it makes things difficult for you and it just makes things so complex. More than it should be.

Sometimes I wish that…. Life would be way better, more simple. Ever notice that thinking too much is sometime quite destructive.

A part of my doesn’t want to do that…it’s what you believe. You change it and it’s like you’re being robbed of the truth. Being lied to, believing the wrong thing.

I would love to if I could, I would be a way better person but I wouldn’t be able to do it.

I haven’t written anything in a long time…what is there to write?

Well… I think things have been ok… before I was really busy with trying to finish my English project… the one that I’ve been procrastinating for weeks. -_-” … bad me…

I have issues…. It think it’s quite noticeable but… it seem like I don’t do anything about it… I’m messed up in another way…that way, very.

I’ve been trying to write my story sequel, but can’t really get the beginning going, it’s hard… and it’s really dumb…me… I haven’t gotten the prequel all figured out yet and I’m already thinking of a sequel… and I haven’t worked on the first story lately, I just feel like another project left unfinished.

Last project… the painting that I was doing… hah… it’s 1/5 done and it’s sitting on my table under a lot of crap. Oh ya, and I fail to clean my room…. Holy shit it is a mess!

One thing that I feel really screwed up about and I’m totally neglecting to handle it. I feel really lost, unsure and dumb( like usual). I don’t know what I want to do in life… well I do, but it’s the matter of what I should do and what I can do…. So… I’m really stuck on picking out my courses for next year…I’m screwed, very.

So… ya… that an update on my life so far… hm… Oh ya, and there is a reoccurring obsessive/retarded ness… trying to get rid of it but its being a bitch.

Er… im so pissed off right now… well at first I went to the mall to look for that heart and key necklace that I saw before and now its not there…. I lost my chance…

And well… right now… what is really pissing me off is that the ppl that lives behind me ALWAYS picks the time of day to go outside when there is a beautiful sunset outside. I have a great view but I can’t really look out my window without looking like I’m spying on them…. And I can’t take pics of it because those ppl would think I’m some crazy stalker or something…er….why….!?!….they just have to be there at that moment in time… all I need is that 15 minutes…. A beautiful sunset only last for 15 minutes at max…. it’s frustrating how so many things in life is like that… there’s a time frame, if u miss it its gone and u don’t know when a beautiful sunset will come alone again…